Guide to the Internet
INTRODUCTION You see, the "Internet " is a strange phenomenon that occurred in the mid 1990s, someone "Uploaded" a video of two people fornicating to the "Worlde Wyde Webbe." This video was then "Downloaded" by snazzy businessmen to their "Computers" and viewed. The businessmen then made an "Investment" and made the "Internet" what it is today. Early internet pioneers discovered a few things upon "logging on"; a) as they chatted, they realized that they were 'using the net', hence, "Usenet" was born, b) pictures took an inordinate amount of time to download, let alone audio, video, or animated GIFs of Colin Mochrie, and c) the internet as they knew it did not appear to be a big truck... that they just put stuff on. Another sad discovery in those early days was that the internet was not a type of delicious cupcake. Today millions of people across the "Planet" are "Surfing" the "Internet." I don't know how many people will be tomorrow, but I can assure you that they will be. While intentions are mostly good, there are those people out there that would attempt to harass others. To find out more about what the "Internet" is please visit this informative and completely truthful "Website" https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Internet It is not possible to lie on the internet. I know this because my friend told me. Although he could have been lying, because he didn't tell it to me over the internet. Although now I have just written this on the internet. So it has to be true! HOW TO "INTERNET" The main idea of the "Internet" is to "Download" "Pornography" and "Masturbate" to it. Other things people do are complain about films, play "Video Games," and "Pirate" "Software." While you make your stay on the "Internet" you have to keep in mind that there is nothing at all relating to seriousness on it. The very fabric of the "Internet" is composed of imagination and wonder; it is also composed of pictures of cats, robots ass-fucking old people, vomit, strife, danger, coffee, and ads telling people that they need a bigger penis and more thumb tacks. Trolls as they are know, inhabit the deep information tubes of the "Internet," waiting to prey on unsuspecting victims who don't know shit. They love to argue, make stupid points, be sarcastic, and most of all: give you a really hard time. One of the things trolls love is when people are upset. This causes them to laugh, which then causes them to say even more things that cause people to say things that make them laugh more. SERIOUS BUSINESS One thing about the "Internet" that is omnipresent throughout is that everything is what is called "Serious Business." No matter how wacky or mundane the subject matter, it is serious business. Someone complains about current economic situations and you make a joke? That's some hardcore serious business that you just interrupted. More info on serious business https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Serious_business "INTERNET" "FORUMS" Ever watch two dogs fight over a piece of meat and then get raped with dynamite and exploded? Well that is how it is to experience "internet" "Forums." Trolls stick to forums like glue sticks to a dry "Vulva," it's their home and home is where the heart is...of the "INTERNET." Film discussion? Someone over analyzes parts of a film that have no symbolism and causes people to have an aneurysm. "Video Game" "Thread?" Someone posts that they thought the combat is just about sucking a bunch of dicks and people have an aneurysm. Political Debate? Someone says they think "Hitler" was right and people have an aneurysm and spend 5 hours editing a "Post" explaining why that person should rot in Tibet. THE INTERNET'S VAGINA Where new memes spring forth from one of the many Chans, notably 4chan, which has given rise to Cheezburger cats, troll iconography, and the dreaded Anonymous. "MASSIVE MULTIPLAYER" ROLE "PLAYING" GAMES There are various types of trolls. One of those types likes to play video games. You'll see these people attempt to steal people's "In Game Currency," have sex with cows, and most of all start arguments about nothing. Off the topic of trolls, there are certain aspects of a "MMORPG" that may cause brain cancer. One of these things is "Content." People like to "Raid" this "Content" to obtain "Gear." "RAIDING" "Raiding" is serious business. One must dedicate at least 3 nights a week in order to defeat the horrifying legions of "Mobs" that inhabit these "Dungeons." This is so serious that there is a form of currency used that does not exist inside the game in order to distribute items appropriately. This currency is known as "DSP" short for "Dick Suck Points." People can then bid their hard earned (or sucked) points to purchase items that "Drop" from "Bosses." Since this is so serious people must follow strict rules and guidelines or the universe will implode. GUILDS Sometimes people like to form gangs. Well there are gangs on the internet too and they're called guilds. Guilds consists of many people that are willing to work together to take on challenges not possible for smaller groups of people (example: large orgies). When together for so long people tend to form bonds with one another. This occurs in guilds as well. However, since the game is so serious business to them, stress can happen and cause people to quit. This is followed by people crying and committing suicide, if someone dares make a joke they are castrated and thrown into the river with a pair of concrete shoes. Guilds are structured a lot like a house of cards, when one of the supporting cards is taken out the house collapses. This occurs in guilds, one person in a position of leadership quits, others follow suit and in the end stands me in a smoking pile of rubble with a severed head on a pike. Now small words are thrown out there like "traitor" and "jew hugger" and "shut up" that aren't really necessary but happen anyway. For example, I told someone when they left the guild that I'd hunt them down, torture them, and kill them. Then I laughed a lot. People got upset. People are idiots. "YOUTUBE" There's an "Internet" "Website" that is used to "Upload" "Videos" for people to watch, it is called "Youtube" and I think it is an analogy for colon. The real purpose of "Youtube" is for OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE ON THE "NETWORK" TO HOG ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING "BANDWIDTH" AND SLOW MY "CONNECTION" DOWN TO A SCREECHING FUCKING HALT I WANT TO STAB THEM AND RIP OUT THEIR INTESTINES AND STRANGLE THEM WITH THEIR FAGOT INTESTINES MOTHERFUCKER AAAAAAAAAAAAH! The other real purpose of "Youtube" is to make statements that may or may not have anything to do with the "Video" they're commenting on. Comments such as "Nigga I fuck you mom" and "ur sch a fagit, I no this movie 5 times n u still don no shit" are common among the denizens of "Youtube." It is proper to comment negatively upon the subject matter or other comments in the "Comments Section" of the "Youtube" "Video" "Web Page." Other people like to make "Videos" as counter-arguments or "Responses" to the subject. These are often artful and full of imagination and wonder. Going on a tangent for a minute, if I am sharing an "Internet" "Connection" with you on a "Network," do not "Stream" "Videos" on "Youtube" or I'll tie you to a chair with razor wire and slice your nipples off. It takes all the "Bandwidth" that is available to our "Connection" and everyone else has to wait forever like back in the "56k" days. My random "stays in Hal's room" roommates love to do this, one day I will go to jail for "Homicide." Seriously, every time I try to do something on the "Internet" be it view a "Website" or play a "MMOG" and my "Input Commands" start to "Lag" I want to rip your fucking spine out of your torso. Category:Things